Freaking Out

I am going back to work on Sept. 1. That is two weeks from Wednesday. (I think..right?) Last night I suddenly realized that I/we are not at all prepared for me to go back. I might have had a minor panic attack.

My dad will be watching Cooper. (I know, I am very lucky!) But, that also means that, everything we have for Cooper, we also need one to keep at my parents' house. We do have a start, we've got a swing, pack n play, and a playmat over there. I think they even have a monitor. (Their friends have been getting them gifts :) ) But they need diapers, wipes, swaddlers, mylicon, tylenol, bottles, pacifiers, extra clothes, toys, books, various other 'toiletry' items that we use, or that they might need. It's a LOT of stuff and I don't want to forget anything.

There are also other bottle-feeding accessories that I have no idea if my dad will want/need. Does he want a bottle warmer? I would want one, just based on how annoyed I have been the one or two times I've prepared a bottle for C. Does he want one of those special drying racks? Are there other bottle-feeding things that he will need? We've so rarely given him a bottle, I have no idea. Then I feel bad because is he going to be annoyed that he has ALL this baby CRAP all over his house?

Speaking of bottle feeding, I am beyond paranoid about having enough milk for him. Really, I don't know how much he gets when he nurses. When we've given him a bottle, we have given him anywhere from 4-5.5 ounces. He didn't drink all of the 5.5 oz bottle (that just happened to be how much we had in the fridge at the time so we just offered it all to him), so I think that 4.5 oz. is a good estimate for now. I have been obsessively pumping for about a month and a half, so we have a really big frozen supply, but the vast majority of it is from when I was still eating dairy products, so I really don't want to have to give it to him. I know that we can if there is no other choice, and maybe I should at least feel better knowing that we do have an 'emergency' supply. But I don't. And then, what about pumping at work? I'm am so afraid that I won't pump enough for what he needs. I have never pumped 4.5 oz. at one time, even the one or two times that I have pumped in place of a feeding. Ugh. This is stressful. I do feel better that I found out that we have a 'nursing station' at work. That made me feel worlds better about the whole pumping at work think.

I also have zero work clothes that fit me. Literally. Zero. I gained 50 lbs. while pregnant (I know, that's terrible), and I have only lost 30. And that 30 I lost in the first week post partum. I don't even want to discuss how frustrated I am with this. I really can't go there at all right now. So I have got to get some new stuff. And while I am excited about the opportunity to go shopping, I know how depressed I will be when I find out what I look like in 'real clothes', let alone when I find out the size I need.

I am also really anxious about how the first week will go. I am only going 3 days, then I have a 3 day weekend because of Labor Day, so that's good. And my dad will be coming to our house to pick him up in the mornings. I know, I'm very lucky. (He's also going to bring him back in the afternoons..I know) And we're doing some trial runs this week and next week. We'll see how those go, hopefully it will ease my anxiety a little...