At the risk of beating a dead horse...

I don’t think it’s any secret that I have a strange relationship with my job.  I have moments of sheer, outright hatred.  There are many, many of those moments(daily).  And then I have days were I think “okay, I can do this, I don’t love it, but I can stick it out”.  Those moments, the thoughts of sticking it out, are fleeting, but they are there.

At the same time, I am also terrified of getting a new job.  Even selecting positions to apply for is extremely difficult for me.  Because I don’t trust myself, since I clearly accepted my current position (in which I am very unhappy, duh).  But, I have to remind myself that I did have a gut feeling, and declined this position.  Twice.  Then they came back a third time, and that time, they told me that after one year of employment with the company, I could apply for any job within the company and simply transfer.  It’s a really big company, with great opportunities, and so I said yes. 

Due to circumstances along the way (wedding, baby, etc), and my above mentioned fear, I have yet to actually apply for any inter-company jobs.  Until a couple weeks ago.  In the past, I had seen a few things I was interested in, but out of fear, waited too long to apply, and then the job was gone.  So when something came available a couple weeks ago, I knew that I couldn’t wait around.  I allowed myself to think about it for one weekend (It came up on a Friday), and on the following Monday, I went for it and applied.

And yesterday, I was called for an interview.  It’s tomorrow morning.  I went back and forth this morning about it.  Do I really think it’s a good fit for me?  Could I just stick it out here for a bit longer?  And then something happened at work, and I had a little cry at my desk (which hasn’t happened in quite a while, although not unheard of, haha) just out of sheer frustration.  And that’s when I knew, I have to give this a shot.  So, I’m praying that this new position would be a good fit for me, and that the interview goes well.  And, if any of you feel compelled to do the same, I’d really (really, really!) appreciate it!